7 Goals from the World of Football to help your Marriage

1) Collaboration

Marriage, unlike most sports, should not be competitive but collaborative. We come into marriage as two imperfect individuals. We have our own needs, wants and desires that we hope will be met by our spouse, and they have their needs, wants and desires too, but only God can meet those needs and desires. Some couples start out with every intention of meeting the desires of their husband or wife but we, as humans, are naturally self-centred creatures and we start to compete for attention. We can place demands on each other that eventually creates resentment and frustration, and the marriage comes to a standstill. The bible gives a great illustration of what can happen when we are not collaborating or cooperating in Deuteronomy 22:10, ‘Do not Plow with an Ox and a Donkey harnessed together.’ (NLT) These two animals would be working at different speeds, pulling in different directions with nothing getting done.

In the world of football, we must work as a team so that the ball is kicked in the same direction, to literally achieve a goal. Our marriage must be collaborative in our values, purpose and direction so that we achieve our vision, our goal as a couple. It is so vital but so misunderstood by couples that to move forward positively, we must create united values that we want to live by. In Amos chapter 3:3, he reminds us of the importance of being likeminded. ‘Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?’ (NLT)

2) Play to each other’s strengths

In marriage, as we try to work as a team, it is good to recognise each other’s strengths. In a football team, each player has a position or ‘strength’ that they must play to. By knowing their position, they recognise how they can support the other players to achieve the goal. I am aware of some of my strengths and abilities and try to recognise, observe and admire my husband’s. Our ultimate source of strength is the Spirit of the Lord. Fortunately, my husband knows not to ask me to do those things that he can achieve much faster and more effectively than me, especially in finance and administration and I know what I can do better on the domestic front!  That way, we don’t get annoyed and irritated and we don’t have to suffer humiliation and have our confidences crushed. We do, however, look to learn from one another, so that we can better ourselves and be more supportive in our roles and responsibilities. It is lovely when we remember to point out those things that our spouse does well because they need to be encouraged and it prevents us from taking each other for granted.

3) Recognise the weak spots

Like point 2, it is also wise to recognise the weak spots as well as the strengths. In Colossians chapter 3, Paul gently encourages to ‘clothe yourselves with tender-hearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience…. make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you...’ (v.12 -13 NLT) Being aware of our weak spots is not only necessary for managers of football teams but for us as married couples. As I said before, we come into our relationship as imperfect people, so we cannot expect perfection. We both need each other’s understanding and forgiveness when we let the side down. Being ready to listen to our spouse when they need to share their difficulties and fears will increase the emotional connection that is required for a strong marriage. This also includes asking open questions that draw out the deep feelings of our spouse. Like training for the match, we need to get into training during our everyday lives. Practice ‘active listening’ during an everyday chat and paraphrase what they say, so they know they’ve been heard.  Do not get confrontational with angry questions during a heated discussion. That will not encourage your spouse to reveal what they are feeling.

4) Understanding the rules

A covenant of commitment was made when we said, “I will”. This was followed by promises to care, to support, love and respect etc. We could say that we agreed to a set of rules when we got married that were witnessed by God wherever we had our wedding. Footballers must abide to a set of rules as there would be chaos on the field otherwise. Those rules are witnessed by the referee. God is our referee! Noone likes to watch a penalty shootout. No one likes to watch a couple’s marriage fail with divorce. In both cases, no one really wins fairly and people get hurt.

Poor communication and a loss of connection between a couple is usually the start of a slow drift towards believing that the marriage is heading for a breakdown. A good and helpful approach to any relationship is to go back to the drawing board (like the footballers do at halftime), check out what might be the problem and seek help and support from a coach who can guide them back in the right direction.

5) The importance of supporters

All football teams have supporters who cheer them on through the bad times as well as the good. On our wedding day we had all our friends, family and work colleagues cheering us on too. The fact that they were prepared to travel all distances to ‘be there’ was encouraging. My husband and I weren’t Christians when we married so we didn’t appreciate the importance of having spiritual support in the long term. God created marriage so He longs to hear us ask for help in our relationships because He is all about relationships. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Over the years, we have witnessed and have ourselves offered prayers for the ‘Happy couple’ and now have the privilege of ministering to couples through our work as marriage coaches. It is important for couples to know that they can share and ask for guidance from their married family and friends, who can offer the necessary support and reassurance because they have been there before. Football managers are often ex-footballers themselves and know the pitfalls as well as the joys.

6) Celebrating the victories

It is those joys that so often get forgotten! As a couple, it is so important to celebrate the wins! It doesn’t have to be big either. It is those little wins or blessings that we must always give thanks for throughout our day. Remembering to say, “I love you’ and “Thank you”, “You are special” and “I trust you”, amongst others, can bring such closeness in our relationship. This is the emotional connection that was mentioned earlier. But sadly, we get caught up in our everyday lives with the mundane, that they are overlooked and our trophy cabinet can start to look a bit dusty and empty. See (1 Thessalonians 5:16, 17&18)

7) Understanding the privilege of our position

Being married is more than we realise, I believe. In the words of a German Pastor and writer it is, ‘a status, an office’. We declare to the world, like the football teams of the world, who we are and who we belong to. Footballers declare it on their shirts with a team emblem and colour. Their supporters fly the corresponding flags.  We declare our status, as a married couple, with our wedding rings on our fingers. Initially, my boyfriend gave me an engagement ring to say, ‘I am his and not available anymore to other suitors’! My wedding ring then shouts to the world that I belong to him and vice-versa. It also shows that it is a circle of unending love - until death do we part.

Another thing that a team does, when they win the cup - the ultimate trophy - is to parade it through the streets. Our lives and marriages, as Christians, are to glow and give off a sweet fragrance. We have a responsibility to be the bedrock of society if we want a better world to live in, so be proud to be married and fly the flag of committed love.