Beauty versus Character: Choosing a Spouse God’s way
Beauty is God given
It’s human nature and how God made us to find each other physically attractive. In Genesis Chapter 2:23 (NLT), Adam declared “At last!” as he first set eyes on Eve. He was wowed by her presence, announcing her as ‘Wo-man’ meaning Womb man because God created her from out of man.
God created a beautiful earth for us all to live in. He loves beauty in everything. ‘Then God looked over all He had made, and He saw that it was excellent in every way.’ (Genesis 1:31 NLT) Indeed, the Bible highlights the beauty and attractiveness between the early patriarchs and their wives. Abraham and his son Isaac, both found it necessary to call Sarah and Rebekah, their sister, to protect them from the roving eye of the Phillistine King Abimelech. Also, Jacob found Rachel so beautiful, he was willing to work an extra seven years for her hand.
So, we seek Him first
There is nothing wrong in noticing and recognising beauty in another person, especially when we are looking for a potential mate. It sparks the initial interest. But that is as far as it can go. “The Lord doesn’t make decisions the way you do. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at a person’s thoughts and intentions.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NLT) There is a saying that goes, ‘Beauty is only skin deep’. When we are trying to find a marriage partner, getting to know their character is vitally important. Choosing a spouse God’s way means turning to Him and seeking His face in Prayer.
Today it has become quite normal practice for Christian couples as well as non-believing couples to find their spouse ‘Online’. There are so many dating Apps where one is expected to ‘swipe’ your phone in a certain way to indicate your attraction or not, then decide whether you are going to take it to the next step of meeting up. When my husband and I met, he could see me from a distance, on the dance floor, and then make his move! He was again attracted to me by the way I looked and dressed but when we got talking, as we danced together, I could have come across as completely unsuitable by my responses and behaviour. Fortunately for him, I was his ‘sort’ and, as they say, the rest is history. We weren’t Christians then, but I believe God guides us by His Spirit (because He knows our future).
God wants to help us
Abraham didn’t leave any choices, for his son Isaac, to chance and sought God. He knew that Isaac was to marry one of his relatives from his homeland and believed that an Angel would be sent ahead of one of his servants to help find and bring back a wife for his son. It is a lovely story of how God is so intimately interested in our lives and will help us find the right spouse when we seek Him. See Genesis 24. God doesn’t supply Isaac with any young girl. ‘Rebekah was very beautiful, and she was a virgin;’ (v16a NLT) It also revealed her character, in that she was willing to work hard, she was kind, generous and from the right family. She was related to Abraham. God is good!
We do not need to marry into the same family, but we do need to share common values and purpose. Sharing our faith is better for a stronger union where there is understanding and likeminded decision making. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 scripture tells us not to ‘...team up with those who are unbelievers’. (NLT) But the Bible does recognise that when we do, it is our inner beauty, as wives, that could win unbelieving husbands over to accept the Good News. ‘You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.’ (1 Peter 3:4 NLT) Both men and women should look for Godly character, in their future spouse, where Christlikeness shines out rather than just looking good.
No-one is perfect
There is no such thing as a perfect person. You do not have to try to look perfect with a fancy hairdo and false eyelashes. The man shouldn’t be taken in by those things either. There is such a thing as lust which is not love and can cloud one’s judgement if not checked. (Proverbs 6:25 NLT)
In the book of Proverbs chapter 31, it reminds us that ‘Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.’ (v30 NLT) Basically, it is saying that we shouldn’t rely on attractiveness or beauty as a way of choosing who to marry because these things do not last. We all grow old and wrinkly! Turn to the one who knows you and your future spouse. He will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:6) and give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) Then together, as a couple, your marriage will be built on Godly principals of faith, love and a godly character that lasts.
See also blogs ‘Choosing the right person to marry and what to consider’ and ‘Keeping-up-appearances’
