A Christian Guide for Busy Couples to Build Lasting Bonds
How many times do we say we are too busy to do this or that? Busyness has become an automatic response, an excuse almost or a byword for not doing something different from what we are doing for someone else - notably our husband or wife. It is like going into our own bubble of busyness with our own agendas. We sometimes don’t even acknowledge one another’s presence! To coin a phrase, we are likening to ‘ships in the night’. The problem then is that our relationship, as a married couple, slowly drifts and we can lose connection. This can lead to regular conflict, a sense of abandonment and generally not feeling loved and valued.
There will of course be busy seasons in our lives when outside circumstances invade and will take over if not properly managed. We can have times of busyness in our work schedules. This can be doubly frustrating when both spouses work full time and there are unrealistic expectations on one or other of you from your boss or organisation. Then there are also the complexities of childcare, if we have them. As a Christian couple, we may feel the need to offer our support at church in some capacity. That is another time spent apart or certainly not just the two of us.
These are emotionally demanding periods in our lives that can and will take over causing exhaustion, anger, and miscommunication. This all leads to a weaking in our marriage bond. So how do we recognise God’s desire for unity in our marriage, that will draw us close and strengthen our relationship?
Putting God in the centre
Ecclesiastes 4:12 recognises the need and practical application of two people working and helping each other but it also says that when three are involved, which means to include God who provides the strength, our cord or bond is not easily broken. Instead, it is reinforced. Keeping our faith in God through regular prayer, both as a couple and praying for each other, will strengthen our unity. When I know I’m going to have a busy and stressful day, it gives me hope and a knowledge that my husband is supporting me through his prayers. I feel valued and loved. I’m better able to share my concerns and encourage him with answered prayer for next time and vice versa. In Proverbs 3:5-6 It says, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.’ (NLT)
Be Intentional in Time Together
In today’s busy schedules, where we seem to be juggling our resources as well as our time, we must be intentional. This means we must carve out and create space and time for ‘togetherness’. It will not happen otherwise.
Make plans and stick to them. Use wall calendars that can be written on and seen by both of you. These plans can be one offs but better still are the regular rhythms of sharing certain meal times, without the children for example, or a regular meet up for coffee and catchup on a certain day or days in the week; making a habit of texting or calling each other when it is mutually convenient; writing notes to express your love to one another when going out alone or have been away; and deliberately holding hands in public and kissing on regular occasions, especially on waking and/or going to sleep, when leaving the house alone and on returning. It goes without saying of course, that we must make time to pray together and share our feelings with each other with full attention and no interruption. (See James 1:19)
Intentional communication
It is helpful when we can recognise our spouse’s weaknesses when they are becoming stressed or anxious. How we communicate will either strengthen our relationship or push our husband or wife away from us. We must choose loving words of support and understanding. Encouraging words and showing an interest brings feelings of love and confidence to your spouse. This is grace in action which will bless your marriage.
God’s word in Colossians tells us to ‘..clothe yourselves with tender-hearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.’ (Chapter 3:12 NLT) We must actively and intentionally put on these attributes of loving behaviour, so they come out in what we say as well.
Even during the busy times, we must remember we are on the same team, helping and submitting to one another. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) Putting a plan into practice that you both agree on and can stick to with faith in the Lord’s help, will allow your marriage to strengthen day by day.
